I had a friend whos daughter stayed at my house for 1陆 month on vacation. This "child" is a few months short of her 18th birthday. My youngest daughter is 14, a few months short of her 15th birthday. Well, come to find out the oldest was "doing things" to my daughter that I do not care to mention but you can imagine. When I asked a social worker how to go about this situation and what is the procedure, she said: "That is child-on-child assault and we are not interested in that, we only investigate adult-on child molestation, if you report it then DSS will find you (ME??!!?) in neglect and we can sue you for custody of the child." Mind you, I was at WORK while this was happening! How am I neglectful for leaving a 14 year old and an 18 year old alone in a house because I have to work? Then I mentioned that maybe I should go to the police, she said that the police will only report it back to DSS and it will be the same procedure. Anyone can help with this?? Thank you!
Answers:
Just bear in mind that these social workers have f@拢ked up alot on these type of cases over time. Child on child molestation is a crime that the police would investigate. I would certainly advise you to report this crime as this "child" isn't actually a child at all. This child is almost an adult and if not stopped will go on to do this again maybe, or is doing it to other kids? You are not neglectful at all. i needed to know if I could leave my 14 and 12 yr olds home alone and the social services said it was perfectly ok at this age! Are you in the Uk? i only ask because you say DSS. in the Uk Dss is the body that deals with benefits and welfare payments along with the job centre so i can't see what bearing they would have in this. i would suggest you've been wrongly advised here and would go see the local police. Just think of it this way, if you do not report this, you're not protecting your child, and you could be in trouble for that alone!
To the person who mentioned consensual sex.even if it was consensual, the older child is above legal age for sex the 14 yr old isn't! This is statutory rape or similar. At almost 18 this child is responsible for its actions in this case.
Go to the police. the social worker was just being lazy and didn't want to waste the time or effort trying to help you out.
if it was consensual i don't see how it can be a crime. morally you may be against it,but i don't see how any laws were broken. DSS is a very strange bunch,it is best to leave them out of your life,
added. by consensual i basically mean not raped by the other girl,kids experiment. i'm not sure how they would interpet sex between minors when both parties agree. laws in regards to sex vary so much by state. they have a charge here called rape with consent(same as statutory rape,yet an oxymoron).
Perhaps you should consult a lawyer.
Issues include
* It is critically important that you can prove what happened. This is for charges to authorities, or if you choose to take civil law suit action against the 18 year old and her parents or guardian.
** Perhaps you should get your child examined by competent medical people, get a statement from them that can be used in evidence, and also get their advice on what's in her best interest
** For example, is it in the best interest of your child to testify in open court full details of what happened, and to be cross-examined on this by the lawyer for the other side ... that is something that will have to happen if you pursue this through the legal system.
* Your friend may not be your friend much longer depending on how hostile you are about this.
* My understanding is that the way the law is written, it does not say adult vs. child, it is ANYONE vs. child so in theory both children can be charged with whatever crime, although usually there has to be some investigation to determine which one was more culpable, with the system tilted against the older of the two. The reason the law written the way it is, to protect the children. It does not matter who hurts a child (another child, or an adult) the law needs to protect the child.
* In some jurisdictions the law enforcement community is very reluctant to investigate he-said she-said domestic disputes where it is very difficult to prove what really happened
* The social worker is saying something about the police, that may or may not be true
* You do have an obligation when leaving your child in the care of another person to do some kind of investigation to find out if that is an apprppriate person.
There are many crimes where a person who did not do the physical deed can be held accountable.
** you are at work, you left your child in the care of someone who was irresponsible ... you can be held accountable for that, irrespective of fact you did not know it was happening until afterwards
** you give someone a ride to store, you wait in the car, they come out again ... you don't know they just robbled the place at gunpoint ... but you can be held accountable for what they did ... or even if there was a shoot out and someone else shot an innocent bystander ... the person doing the robbery is helpd accountable for that ... as is anyone who gave them ride away from the place of the robbery
Another person here says that if it was consentual, it is not a crime. Well that depends on exactly what happened, which you are not divulging.
Many things can be consentual with a child, but where the child is below the age of consent, that does not count, it is still a crime, However, depending on the degree to which your girl likes the 18 year old, it may be difficult to get her full cooperation with testimony.
The crime can be very difficult to prove.
The correct answer to your question will depend upon the local and state laws for age of consent.
For example in Iowa, no crime may have been committed while in Utah, there may or may not have been a criminal activity.
What you do need to know before you start any proceedings is Has a crime been committed? You would be best to consult a local lawyer who specializes in sex crimes to give you this information.
The next important obstacle is can you prove this? In most cases this would require at least one eye-witness who is an adult. In addition, it may be difficult to prove who initiated the activity in a court of law.
What you may have discovered is nothing more than normal experimentation. This may be very hard for you to accept. If you make a big deal of of it you could do more harm to your relationship with your daughter than if you leave it alone.
What you can do is talk openly with your daughter about the incident(s). I do not mean lecture or be critical in any way about what has happened. I mean try to find out what happened from your daughter's point of view and how she really feels about this.
If you have moral objections to this activity, you have probably already blasted your daughter with your point of view. Since your daughter probably already knew your position, this doesn't help. If necessary get counseling for your daughter.
Speak with your friend as well. What is her(his?) point of view? Did your friend know of any similar activities?
Now go back and talk to the lawyer again. You should have a good idea of what can be done.
I am suprised that DSS wouldn't get involved, as normally younger people who molest other children do so because they are be molested themselves.
You were completely entitled to leave a 14 year old and an 18 year old "home alone". I could see it maybe being neglegent if you were aware of the abuse and still left them alone.
Is the worker under the impression that your daughter was consenting to it. This may be why she stated they don't get involved as lots of states have different consent laws when it invloves two people under 18 years of age. A few months shy of 18 is still under 18.
If your daughter did not consent, call the police.
I would also bear in mind that they're human, 14 and 17 (if you're going to round off the 17 year-old's age like you did at the end there you might as well round the other too, be fair, not just dramatic) you have to understand that it's just part of human nature, and yes at that age, i'm not saying you should condone it or saying that it's a "good thing" or that it should go on, but i'm saying it's absolutely not a crime, have you even had the "birds and bees" talk with your daughter yet? parents these days are the ones that are lazy, i'm not saying you're a "bad parent", this is beyond anyone's control, there is nobody to blame, just have a talk with your child about sex and that should be the end of that.
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